Oller: What's in a name? College football full of players with fun monikers

The Columbus Dispatch
I recently came across the name of a former Ohio State football player whose identity escaped me. Irving Sack.
All that’s really known about Sack is he lettered in 1928, played some defense and deserves to be inducted into the OSU all-name hall of fame. Ditto Brooklyn B. Bridge (1912) and Ludwig Yards (1932-34).
Before presenting the Buckeyes honorees, a bit of summer fun. I scoured the web looking for the best and most creative names dotting college rosters entering 2023, and did not come away disappointed. Well, that’s not entirely true. Some of the funniest/wildest names did not make my list of starters because they are nicknames, not birth names.
For example, it’s hard to beat Dude Person, a defensive back from Central Arkansas, except his real first name is Rontavious. Sam Houston defensive lineman Meatball Smith was born Akeem. And Alabama defensive back Kool-Aid McKinstry was named Ga’Quincy at birth.
Other nicknames include Phatt Watts (Tulane), Tater Reid (Alabama-Birmingham) and Hot Rod Fitten (South Carolina).
But anyone can come up with a funny nickname, whether it fits the personality of the player or not. I mean, Ohio State Heisman Trophy winner Hopalong Cassady was Howard, and former OSU wide receiver Bam Childress was Brandon.
My teams are the real deal, as hard as it may be to believe.
Offense
— Quarterback: General Booty, Oklahoma
— Running back: Djouvensky Schlenbaker, Washington State
— Wide receivers: Da’Realyst Clark, Defiance; Decoldest Crawford, Louisiana Tech; Montana Lemonious-Craig, Arizona
— Tight end: Rowdy Beers, Florida International
— Offensive line: Tiger Shanks, UNLV; Jaden Muskrat, Auburn; Hannes Hammer, Virginia Tech; Dodge Sauser, Iowa State; Angel Bravo, Wittenberg
— Kicker: Colton Boomer, Central Florida
Defense
— Linebackers: Memorable Factor, Duke; Steele Chambers, Ohio State; New Zealand Williams, San Diego State
— Defensive line: Princewill Umanmielen, Nebraska (whose brothers, Princely and Prince, also play football); Octavious Oxendine, Kentucky; Blazen Lono-Wong, Arizona State; Demon Clowney, Charlotte
— Defensive backs: Buck Coors, Wyoming; Ephesians Prysock, Arizona; Storm Duck, Louisville; Major Burns, LSU
As for Ohio State, Chambers is the only current roster holder to make the Buckeyes’ all-name team. Players known by legal middle names are included, such as Arnold Birtho Arnold.
Let’s take a look (years lettered listed).
Ohio State
— Quarterbacks: Gunnar Hoak (2020); John Mummey (1960-62); Casimir Adulewicz (1959); Joseph Large (1890)
— Running backs: Butler By’not’e (1990-93); Carlos Snow (1987-91); Master Teague (2019-21); Vaughn Broadnax (1980-83)
— Tight end: Brad Dwelle (1979-82); Jake Stoneburner (2009-12); Chris Rock (2014)
— Wide receivers: Paul Warfield (1961-63); Bobby Olive (1987-90); Charles Coffee (1927-29); Lawton Fontaine (1929); Reggie Germany (1997-2000); Vanness Provitt (1997-2000)
— Offensive line: Orlando Pace (1994-96); Birtho Arnold (1957-59); Nick Mangold (2002-04); Kirk Lowdermilk (1981-84); Rufus Mayes (1966)
— Kicker: Vlade Janakievski (1977-80)
— Defensive line: Nader Abdallah (2007-2008); Van DeCree (1972-74); Rocco Rich (1971-73); Jim Stillwagon (1968-70; He was anything but still.)
— Defensive backs: Eli Apple (2014-15); Sevyn Banks (2018-21); Mike Guess (1976-79); Ashton Youboty (2003-05); Garcia Lane (1981-83);
— Linebackers: Tuf Borland (2017-20); Courtland Bullard (1997-2001); Na’il Diggs (1997-99); Dallas Gant (2018-20); A.J. Hawk (2002-2005); Andrew Sweat (2008-11); Storm Klein (2009-12)
— Punter: Tom Tupa (1984-87)
What’s in a name? Good question. The players who made the list have names that borrow from another famous person (e.g. Chris Rock) or just sound cool (Na’il Diggs, Van DeCree). Some perfectly fit the position they played (Tuf Borland, Andrew Sweat). Then there is Paul Warfield, whose last name gets overlooked but serves as a metaphoric descriptor for the site on which the games are played.
If I had to pinpoint the perfect Ohio State name, it would be Tuf Borland, whose game fit his name, although Orlando played with great Pace, too.
I do wish nicknames would make a comeback in sports. Talking to my 94-year-old mother, everyone in her neighborhood growing up had a nickname. She went by Chicken, a form of Chickie, which her brother Bongo (Wayne) called her.
I’m not sure what happened, or exactly when, but at some point nicknames went out of style. Sure, some still exist, but not like they used to. The “Neon” Deion Sanders of this world are passing out of vogue. The days of Chris Berman dropping a Sammy “Say it Ain’t” Sosa or Greg “Math” Maddux are long gone.
But at least for now, we have Buck Coors to enjoy.